CREATING RITUAL & TRIBE
FOR THE CHILDBEARING YEAR

By Terra Rafael (formerly Terra Palmarini Richardson),
Reiki Master, Ayurvedic Practitioner, Midwife

Consciously Choosing Birth & Baby Rituals

The childbearing year is one of incredible transformation.  And just as a chrysalis is a container for the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly and the womb is the container for the transformation of egg & sperm into a human baby, ritual is a container for the changes of pregnancy, birth, & beyond.  Through ritual one can find meaning & protection from the chaos of unfocused energy.  In this way we avoid forming or feeding neurotic patterns to protect us in an unconscious way by embracing a conscious ritual.

Ritual involves something which comes from the very substance of the being under transformation.  The chrysalis comes from the substance of the caterpillar & the baby from what the mother offers from within herself. 

It also involves a larger framework which shapes the ritual container, funneling the life force into the forms suitable for the purposes of that larger framework, be it  a specie's imperative for survival,  a personal intention, a cultural imperative, Nature, or God/dess.

Cultures offer rituals around births that correspond with their values.  The mainstream US. culture is based on technology.  Thus the birth rituals in the culture initiate & ingrain dependence on technology.  Robbie Davis Floyd covers this in depth in her book Birth as an American Rite of Passage.  So even those who go the usual birthing route are entering in to rituals, although it is not clearly expressed as such.  Unfortunately rituals of a technological culture run counter to the process of birth as evolved in mammals.   They weaken the woman's inherent, instinctive powers to give birth & fully mother her young.  They also send a message that the technocracy cares more about & for the child than the mother.

Pregnancy, labor, & breast feeding are times of altered states of consciousness, just as moonblood times are. In our technological, clock-ruled culture natural moonbleeding,  pregnancy, labor & breast feeding do not really fit in.  These are essentially body centered, process centered, & in-the-moment experiences, like the weather, ruled by Nature. Nature-supporting rituals at these times can not only tune in with Nature as the larger force, but also reduce the possibility of "bad trips" such as PMS,  pathologic fear in labor & postpartum depression.

Being pregnant is itself mind altering.  My book Pregnant Feelings, (with Rahima Baldwin) goes into the emotional altering of pregnancy & gives pregnant women a structure to work with their inner changing.  However, in my midwifery practice I have seen that what happens at the pregnancy visits is not merely overseeing emotional & physical well-being.  It is building a structure for use in transiting and trusting the changes of the childbearing year which are wrought by Nature.

I welcome a new woman into my practice by washing her feet in lavender water and massaging them, sitting on the floor at her feet while I explain that this is symbolic of our work to wash away cultural & personal beliefs that counter her natural childbearing course. She picks a pregnancy name for her baby, making it more of a person & more easily loved. We drink nourishing herbal infusions and munch on nutritious snacks, since feeding her & getting her to feed herself is a major way to build a pregnant woman & healthy baby. When the time & her belly are full & ripe, we paint her belly with designs & symbols that seem appropriate to her & her process - it's great fun!! I offer the idea of making a sacred birth object to symbolize the creative process of pregnancy & birth she is going through & to remind her of that power with afterwards.  Suggestions include birth shawls, birth shields, special heirloom placenta bowls, birthing blouses or even a song or dance.  I seek to honor her, show her how she is a powerful woman capable of giving birth all on her own.

Awareness in the moonbleeding cycle can be excellent preparation for childbearing.  Ritual & tribal support of a positive view of menarche & the cycling of women supports the knowledge available to women about pregnancy & birth from their cycles - the emotional & psychic sensitivity (known as PMS who don't slow down to honor it); the cramping; the downward pulling of energy; the changing needs of a changing woman body through her cycles.  We talk about her bleedings in this perspective and draw on the knowledge that is already in her body  to help her feel more at home regarding giving birth for the first time.  We also encourage all women to become aware in their moonblood cycling, commonly with the help of ritual.  This knowledge & wisdom will then be available as a natural resource for the use  of womankind.  A novel illustrating this support amongst women is The Red Tent by Anita Diamant.

Childbirth classes are another cultural ritual that is available.  Being aware of the sort of values transmitted by particular classes is an important aspect of choosing what to take.  They are opportunities for families to meet each other & set up ways to cooperate & help each other out. 

While ritual is the channel for manifesting values in a concrete way at times of transition, tribes are the supports for family & ritual. I believe that humans evolved to live in tribes.  That's how we lived for most of human existence.  In working with pregnant women I like to see if they have a tribe - an extended family, a committed friendship group, a church, synagogue, or temple of support.  Many do not.  If they don't, I offer them some limited tribal experience through my practice. 

I have a practice-wide meeting once a month called the Birth Lodge where all the pregnant women, recently born babes & their moms, previous practice members, midwifery students, etc. all come together & just socialize & network.  This gives women more ways to share their knowledge & experiences with those following soon into labor , birth, & new motherhood.  And we always have a delicious potluck feast!

Other tribal types of support are community potlucks, La Leche League, baby-sitting coops, & new mother support groups. These can often  grow organically, with nurturance, out of  women meeting  on common ground such as at the Birth Lodge.

One tribal ritual that I suggest to women before birthing is the Blessing Way.  I offer them guidelines(appearing in this issue), so that women who have never created their own rituals have a jumping off place to make that big leap.  Sometimes they ask me to act as priestess for them, with them designing the ritual.   Those who do not have their own tribe or who feel more comfortable in a less personalized setting can join in quarterly group Blessing Ways with other women soon to give birth.  There they sing, dance,& share to honor each other, themselves & birth in a facilitated group ritual.

At the birth itself, the rituals of the midwife may help her to feel safe & thus transmit the safety to the woman - from purely medical to purely religious.  Or the midwife may be in a state which allows for the woman & her mate to create their own ritual with the birthing energy with her merely being present.

In breast feeding each mother-baby couple evolves its own relationship & rituals and the ability to do so is an important part of breast feeding "success".

The naming ceremony is a beautiful way to welcome the baby into the tribe. New mothers can be brought into their new status as mothers through the Birth Lodge. Mother's support groups can be a steady source of support & may include rituals as part of that support.  Some of us have taken moon tattoos to symbolize our transits through womanhood - a waxing moon symbolizing the beginning of moonbleeding, a full moon for giving birth, & a waning moon when we enter cronehood.            

I hope this taste of ritual for the childbearing year will inspire you to create your own  rituals to sustain & carry you & your sisters & daughters.

Welcoming Foot Wash & Massage, 

Honoring the Woman as She-Who-Gives-Birth

When a woman starts seeing me as a midwife I  begin my care for her with an opening ritual of a foot bath and massage.   A foot bath is a way of putting myself at the service of the woman & "at her feet"-she is hiring me to help her.  It is also a sign of respect to welcome a traveler to one's home, to remove the dust of the road .One of my clients who is a potter made a beautiful bowl just for this purpose. The woman chooses a pregnancy-safe essential oil to scent the water.  Then I gently rub her feet clean in the warm, fragrant water, while telling her that this washing symbolizes her washing away all the cultural bias and personal fear that she'd built up around birth.  Then I gently dry her feet and massage them with some pleasing lotion.  This is very soothing to her and also conveys my reverence and care for her body as well as soul.  It allows her to become used to my touch before touching her more intimately and gives me information about her body by feeling the qualities of her feet.  At most prenatal visits either myself or my apprentice would offer the woman another foot massage.  This continues the bonding process as well as promoting circulation of blood & energy for general health benefits.

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Making a Sacred Birth Object

One of my good friends, Delta, was the first person in my circle to purposefully made a sacred birth object.   She made a birth shield  out of a willow branch and yarn she had spun herself.  Then at her blessingway (discussed later)  she had her friends bring small  things to tie on to the shield that symbolized attributes or helpers to be with her as she gave birth.  She hung it in the room where she was to give birth & it was there during her labor and beyond.  Four years later she still has it, a loving token of her pregnancy & birthing process.

Since that time I have suggested to pregnant women & their mates that they could make a sacred birth object during the pregnancy to bring with them to the birth & after.  I see this a way to focus on the sacred, inner creativity of pregnancy & birth. Some possible items are: a birth shawl; a special quilt; a placenta bowl; a song that would be sung in labor or when the baby is first out in the world; a birthing shirt for father &/or mother to wear in labor;  a cradle.

Many people do make something for the baby during pregnancy.  The special aspect which is added is consciousness when making it, the consciousness of love being put into it at every step of the process.  A new family tradition may be started, a new family heirloom created - all for the purpose of strengthening & making more manifest the family bonds of love.  If the family already has some traditions or heirlooms of birth they can be reminded to remember them before the birth so that they can be lovingly passed on down, infusing each new generation with the love of the ones before it in a tangible way.  I imagine it would be very special to me if I received a family placenta bowl to use when I was about to give birth which had been in the family for generations.

Practice Changing States of Consciousness-

To me, pregnancy, labor , & breast feeding are times of altered states of consciousness.  In earlier times this may not have been the case so much because the pace & focus of life was different and more inward & family oriented.  In our technological, clock-ruled culture natural  pregnancy, labor & breast feeding do not really fit in.  They are essentially body centered, relationship centered, & in the moment experiences, like the weather, like Nature. In both my labors I knew I was in labor because everything seemed more like when I had taken psychedelic drugs.  Not all women report this type of experience.  Yet to me it seems likely that women would experience labor this way more frequently if they were in a totally safe, soft, familiar environment.

Under the rule of technology even changing states of consciousness is for the most part relegated to substances rather than to more self-created & self-sufficient modes.  In the hospital women can feel in control of the change of consciousness which accompanies pain & labor by taking drugs, which change their consciousness in a scientific ritual way.  In home births & natural birth settings women can feel at home with the change of consciousness by having practiced changing their consciousness before labor and perhaps structuring the birth scene to include forms they have practiced before labor.  Ritual can be  to used to channel energy in new situations in a way that creates safety for participants.

In pregnancy, the pregnancy visits or prenatals are a ritual in themselves which focus the woman, mate & midwives on the pregnancy & preparation for the labor.  What happens at the visits is not merely for physical well-being.  It is building a structure for use in transiting the changes of the childbearing year.  Being pregnant is itself mind altering.  My book Pregnant Feelings, with Rahima Baldwin goes into the emotional altering of pregnancy & is useful for helping pregnant women focus on how they are changing.

In birthing, the rituals of the midwife may help her to feel safe & thus transmit the safety to the woman.  Or the midwife may be in a state which allows for the woman & her mate to create their own ritual with the birthing energy and be attendant on that.  In breast feeding, each mother-baby couple evolves its own relationship & rituals around how it happens and the ability to do so is an important part of breast feeding "success".

During pregnancy I suggest to people that they find ways to practice changing their consciousness to that timeless, inward space.  Some ways I know of are doing ritual, singing, dancing, meditating, & drumming.  These are things that can be done alone or with others.  There are a myriad of forms that each can take.  Doing these things in an aware & focused way will change your consciousness.  Even walking very, very, very, very slowly & consciously will change your state of awareness.  The handouts will give you some ideas for these experiences.  ***Taste them.  Share what you enjoy & feel comfortable about.

Birth Lodge --  Pregnant & Postpartum Mothers Share the Feast of Motherhood

What is a Birth Lodge ?

Twice a month the women who participate in my midwifery practice -- pregnant women, new moms & babies, & midwives -- gather together to share food, herbal infusions, and their mutual company & knowledge.  It happens at home -- the living room or the back yard.  We have potluck.  There are always plenty of smiling faces, words of mothering wisdom & experiential knowledge to go around, along with the healthy food.  I called it a Birth Lodge because it reminded me of the Moon Lodge where women retreat & share their bleeding time each month in tribal cultures, except that here we gather & share our childbearing time.  My 6 year old daughter likes to call it the Baby Party.  Another apt name could be "Birth Salon".

Why have a Birth Lodge ?

Part of why I began the Birth Lodge was to have a time to have more fun with pregnancy -- to celebrate, to welcome, to enjoy the feast of giving birth.  Our culture tends to take pregnancy as a medical event or a non-event to be ignored.  The Birth Lodge gives us a space to bask in the special state of pregnancy & new motherhood.

Since I am a homebirth midwife and homebirthers still tend to be a small minority of all pregnant women, the Birth Lodge also provides a supportive atmosphere for the women choosing homebirth.  At the Birth Lodge it's absolutely normal to give birth at home -- even in the water.  Here we celebrate the choices of our little tribe rather than mount the usual defense or explanation. And the negative views of pregnancy, birth, women & mothers so often carried in the mainstream can be tipped over & washed away in the bubbling creek of real live women friends.

The women in the Birth Lodge get to see other women through their pregnancy & birthing, watching each other get bigger & riper until their fruit falls -- and then, after an appropriate postpartum rest, they return to show off their sweet babies.  Women who have never given birth or been around babies get to see new moms & babies in action, up close, real.  They even get to hold a baby or two.  They get to see that the whole process really does work!  And that there really is a baby inside of each of those burgeoning bellies, including their own.  It is a self-directed, experiential learning childbirth class where there is no "teacher," no curriculum --the original childbirth class of tribal sisterhood. 

This sort of learning dovetails with a holistic approach to birth where the woman is the expert on her own body & experience.  For a woman to be truly empowered in her birth she must be empowered through the whole process.  She listens to the various stories, asks her questions, tells her stories, answers other's questions.  She experiences the process unfolding in her other pregnant friends as well as in herself.   As she moves through her pregnancy & birthing & new motherhood she can measure her own learning & progress, seeing her previous self in the newcomers to the Birth Lodge.  Having learned, she shares her knowledge with others, completing a cycle of honoring birthing women & herself.  And with so many different women sharing their stories, the diversity & individuality of the experience is not averaged out to a model of birth or a "right" way to give birth or be a mother.

Practical knowledge is shared -- from the inside info on friendly family physicians to ways to calm a fussy baby to recipes to fun exercise classes in town to which kind of baby carseat works great.  Discussions come up about immunizations, breastfeeding, child development, educational systems.

And bonds of a birthing community are forged.  Mothers with a super-abundance of milk share their extra with mothers who need a bit more for their little ones.  Postpartum dinners can be exchanged.  Some women form mother's support groups. Friendships may last for years.

How to start your own Birth Lodge?

To start a Birth Lodge you need:  a friendly place to meet, a list of some potential members (which most supportively could be from one midwifery practice or a group of local midwives or from a childbirth educator who begins classes in early pregnancy), a telephone to call every one to notify them of the next meeting, food, dishes, & drinks for the potluck,  and perseverance.

When I was first starting the Birth Lodge it took a while for people (including myself) to realize what it was all about -- what? just spend two hours sitting around eating & talking? mmmm - remember when your mothers ( or maybe it was your grandmothers) used to sit around and have  coffee parties & tea parties? 

Now most people are eager to attend when they can, especially postpartum moms.  In fact we started meeting twice a month so that each meeting wouldn't be too large.  Part of the  fun & comfort of the Birth Lodge has to do with a relatively small sized group which you begin to  recognize and feel at home with. Once we had a gigantic Birth Lodge with about 30 people including babies & siblings.  It was too overwhelming for new people and for several of the  children.  The usual size is about 10 people(or fewer) which is large enough to easily integrate  new people but small enough not to have shy people get lost in the crowd. 

Some of the women I work with never miss a Birth Lodge, others never come.  It's totally voluntary - but most who do come once, come again & again.  Some people come with their toddlers who first came before they even showed they were pregnant.  What could be a greater affirmation of life than to take time to talk & be with other birthing women, mothers & babies, feeding each other, and having fun?

Belly Painting- Celebrating the Ripeness of Pregnancy, Opening up to the Birthing Energy

Painting the belly with face paints is a way I came up with to acknowledge the transition of the pregnancy into the "ready to give birth any time now" phase.   Women often become excited at this stage and the ritual is a way to acknowledge the extra-transitional nature of this time.

The painting emerges spontaneously on her belly within the safe confimes of familiar midwives & partner/children and it lives on the limited yet burgeoning space of her pregnant belly.  The unplanned nature of the belly painting echoes the nature of the birth initiation she is now entering into-we don't know when, exactly where, exactly who, exactly how it will all happen, but she has created the safe confines of prenatal education knowledge and trust in the skill & goodwill of her midwives to contain it.

Pictures are worth a thousand words-so check out these!

Planning Your Blessing Way-For Your Birthing

by Terra Palmarini Richardson, Midwife

The Blessing Way is a ceremony of love, wisdom, sharing, nurturing & support by friends at a time of life transition - for example birth, moving to a new place, divorce, graduation.  The theme is blessing you on your way by reminding you of your strengths & the help available to you from friends & Mother Nature where ever you go.

You may choose one person to organize the meeting for you or do it yourself.  Make up a guest list.  Choose a peaceful, beautiful place.  (The birthing space is a good choice for birthing moms.)  Plan for 2 hours or so.  It's traditional to end with food - you can ask each guest to bring a snack or one or two might organize the meal.  Another tradition is bringing fresh cut flowers to decorate the room & candles to burn.  Often one person acts as the mistress of the ceremony to plan & maintain the focus.  Usually only women attend but- this is optional.

The ceremony is open for fitting into any particular cultural or spiritual context, the theme being blessing the honored one for this particular challenge in their life. Be creative! Some possibilities to include if you choose:

-Begin with welcoming everyone to sit in a circle.  Create a sacred space by smudging, lighting a candle, saying a prayer, singing,  or however you wish.

-Sing birth songs or other special songs.  Opening the throat & lungs opens the heart & cervix!

-Drumming or dancing can be fun.

-Have a go-around of the circle, each person addressing the Honored Woman in turn with a story, song, or personal message to help her in giving birth & becoming a new mother.  Commonly a token gift is given to symbolize for the woman the qualities thus imparted (ex. a feather, a stone, a song).  This can be at the birth to carry the message there to her.

-Have a go-around where each person says a blessing or wish for the woman &/or baby.  You could anoint her belly with water or oil as you bless her.

-A ball of yarn can be passed around & tied around each person's ankle or wrist to signify the support of the circle.  It can be left on until after the birth.

-A special "throne" is prepared for the Honored Woman, surrounded by beauty.  It also makes her easily accessible for foot, shoulder, head massages, combing her hair & putting flowers in it.

-A common cup of wine or red juice may be passed around to signify the blood women shed each moon & in birth.  A toast may be said by each woman regarding this.

- A foot bath in waters with flowers or in a bowl of blue corn meal is traditional, followed by long foot massage.  Have massage oil or sweet lotions available for this.

-Use face paints & have everyone paint  a beautiful & edifying symbol on her belly.  Take a picture as a momento.

-Each woman can tell a story of their own learning from birth & life, and the strengths they gained by the challenge.  With each story, a token could be given for a pouch for the Honored Woman.

-Make a birth shield.  Decorate a hoop of branches as you wish and tie the token gifts from each guest to it with a strand of yarn.

-Each guest could bring a square of cloth, decorated or plain, to symbolize something.  All could be sewn together for a birth shawl or quilt which the Honored Woman could finish decorating herself.

The possibilities are as varied as the women who give birth.  Have fun & enjoy this touching way of reclaiming the womanly power of birth.      

Birth Ritual

Homebirth midwives have a home visit about a month before the expected birth time to find the location more easily in the possible middle of the night excursion.  Other important energetics are formed at this time.  To me, a home visit is like a practice for the birth-gathering all possible participants in the anticipated space and talking about the scenarios & needs of the birthing.  So I always try to give the woman plenty of information to plan for the homevisit-questions to ponder about her birth plan, including any special rituals she may choose to include.  We try to do as much of needed talking about options at the home visit to allow the woman to descend into her instinctive mind during labor and not be interrupted by questions calling her to her .  What I routinely recommend is such as-not yelling out "it's a boy/girl!" but letting the parents/family find out in their good time what sex the baby has.  This allows bonding to the heart of the baby first, without dealing with any possible disappointments or expectations.

Singing Welcome to the Baby

When the baby has been born, there is a moment when it is time to sing welcome to the baby and my apprentices & I sing the following song:

Sometimes when a baby seems to have a problem grounding into his or her body the song will draw the energy together and help them focus:

Your parents hungered for you.  They had to stop running to let you catch up to them.

When you came to grow in your mother, she shared all she ate with you.

She learned to eat & eat & eat.

The quick red fox crossed my path on the way to your birth.

He held his dinner in his mouth -the leg of a deer -

no doubt stolen from the mountain lion's kill.

You birthed slowly at first, slyly finding a way down the trail your     mother blazed for you with her strength & courage.

Then - you were suddenly here - long & lean & learning to breathe.

We sang your eyes open.

You seemed captive by so many of us surrounding you, so we left you to rest in the arms of your mother & father. 

Then you were peaceful.

They welcomed you to your mountain home & their hearts.

And the sunrise blazed red across the sky to bring you newborn light.

Other times it is just a celebration & affirmation of the wonderful surrender of giving birth.

-Calm in the midst of chaos-

                                You were the center of your hurricane birth,

                                stirring up all around you-

                                blowing away our plans

                                flooding our minds

                                knocking us off our feet.

                                -Beautiful lotus,

                                floating in the muddy aftermath-

You swept away our neatly arranged structures.

                                We're in the open now,

                                Reminded that the only safe place to be is

                                Love.

Sealing the Love with Rose water

At the close of the 6 weeks postpartum I would put a seal of closure on the relationship which we have created during the childbearing year. I give the woman a copy of her records in a nice folder, including any poem I wrote for her or a copy of the welcoming baby song. We have one more opportunity to talk about anything leftover that she wants to clear, clarify or celebrate.  We affirm that we are now free to be friends and she can still come to the Birth Lodge to share & visit.  At the end we seal our closing with a spritz of rose water, symbolic of the love & respect that we have developed over our time together.